Don't want your number. Never actually lost it.

When I write stuff here, despite based on my personal experience, the idea is to distill some sort of general understanding that hopefully applies to more people, and can thus shed some light over situations that happen commonly to others as a somewhat clear consequence of disability matters, and related prejudice.

This means that even if you happen to see yourself here, it usually doesn't really matter to me in particular anymore. My writing is exactly my way of digesting what happens, and move on, for good. So if you're cited anonymously here, you're just an example of which I like to extract some sort of general understanding that hopefully applies to more people and more situations than this specific one you've been part of. And after I do that, I can personally just let go of the situation and forget about it, once I've learned something useful from it. I don't want your number,

If you come across me in a bar, and you start questioning about one of these specific essays, you'd better just bring a clear reference so that I can first of all remember who you are, and what you're talking about, and then discuss the issue, in case I think it's worth it.

In last night particular case, I wasn't even able to remember the first part, and much less which was the damn essay I've written months ago using something you did as an inspiration. The only thing left from you was the clear idea that some people are apparently very accepting and understanding, while in fact they're not.

As time went by, I've learned to distinguish basic types of attitudes towards disability. First one is full blown open prejudice, like the one I've faced when people cancelled dates upon knowing I was disabled, not a minute before. While this one is personally the most unpleasant, it actually gives me the best chance to defend myself, since it's out there, and hopefully will be soon typified as a crime, as racism already is.

The second, in my opinion, is probably the most dangerous one: your type. People that see themselves as tolerant, and even indifferent to disability, and who will try to sell you their version of facts, namely that prejudice and oppression don't really exist outside disabled person's inner reality. These ones are probably as wrong as the first group, but since they are not openly discriminating you in your face, you tend to better tolerate them and their biased views, even giving them some space to lecture you.

But equality is a social struggle, and people like yourself actually provide the coverage needed for type 1 to openly hold on to their prejudice and privilege. Contrary to what you think, you're not really much better than them, but you're certainly much more difficult to fight. Thus the last thing I wanna know is that your excuse for rejecting me was not disability, and even less that this is evidence that prejudice doesn't exist.

It takes work and analyzing to extract truth from experience, but science progress is the proof that despite your inability of doing such a thing, others can and will do it. This is the pack I wanna be part of. And this essay is actually for you.