Disability and fundamentalism

Today I finally felt like a suicide bomber. Of course I didn't explode myself or anyone else. Not literally anyways. But I've had the experience of protecting a principle with my life, because as for suicide bombers, what was being innocently minimized by others is exactly what has finally given me a direction and provided a compelling meaning for my life as is.

However, contrary to what usually happens to terrorists, enemy identity wasn't really obvious. As a matter of fact, the enemy was disguised in such a way that externally we'd have been considered as equals.

This was probably the most painful part for me. Because what has likely brought us together were terribly similar life circumstances. I'm sure although she had never mentioned that explicitly, the fact she has been temporarily disabled when she was a kid, must have opened her eyes to several issues I've faced myself.  Question is to what extent.

I've told her about my disability since the beginning. I thought that was the most honest thing to do. Also, I've realized this is always a much better approach than assuming the difference doesn't matter, and meet the other person unprepared.

What I wasn't expecting at all was that she herself had something that could be disguised in pictures, and that potentially could change radically her attractiveness judgement by these. At first, I just didn't feel attracted when I've faced her true self. This wasn't new at all. It was indeed the most frequent experience I've had in these semi-blind dates short career of mine. Something I didn't expect at all, by the way.

The other unexpected came later. All these unattractive layers of her just melt away right in front of me. And all of a sudden, I was able to see a person that was actually much more attractive than the idealized and carefully edited virtual version of her. Things could then flow well, at least for me. But on the day after, she has felt the after-shock of our collision. She was hurt by the fury with which I've argued for protecting my reason to live. And she never wanted to see me again.