For the past two years I've been under a terrible combination: a very bad manager (in every possible way) and a working environment which would allow her to disguise misconduct as pure ignorance. The forces inter-playing in that situation didn't leave much room for hope.
But this time around I've been very lucky. Because not only the acute terrible situation went away with the people that were triggering it, but also because I finally got to face my true self and deliberately stopped the fine art of making things worse.
However, concretely, no matter how stronger and more prepared to deal with nasty people I've become, I'm under the impression some of the damage made has been sort of permanent. I guess the model of disability I've come up with, mirrors quite well the one Malcolm Gladwell Outliers has used to establish why some people get incredibly good and successful in what they do.
The book brings several staggering examples of the very same phenomenon. A combination of little recurring life advantages coupled with the chance of employing extra effort ends up producing gigantic results.
I've never read anything along the path I'm going to walk here, but I have the feeling disability functions in a very similar way, but in the opposite direction. Results consolidate overtime, which provides the possibility to someone not to understand what's exactly going wrong. But socio-economic research doesn't leave much room for doubts: disability usually results in lower income coupled with higher regular life expenses.
I'm a very good example of that cumulative disability effect. In theory I don't have any categorical limitation to perform ordinary life activities. So together with a lack of identity with any social group where disabled people are prevalent, I've lived most of my life in this very strange situation. An instant analysis of what I could potentially do at any given point in time would never reveal clear signs of incapacity, (as by the way the little ad. And because of that, I really couldn't tell until very recently what was wrong with my life, even though for someone that doesn't know me very well that seems really obvious.
Time and again I've been blamed by these cumulative results. Most of all, I've been accused of being spoiled and intolerant for either being mad at that situation or depressed after depleting my vital energy reserves fighting it. The more I interact with people, more I come in contact with these two extremes. Some will vehemently deny the existence of any significant difference. Others will despise me, and treat me as an inferior sub-race.
I reckon if there wasn't any difference at all, just this schizophrenic nature of the social treatment I and most disabled people encounter on a daily basis, would already be enough to generate a negative impact on one's quality of life, let alone self-worth and hope for the future. So not being abused at workplace (at least not deliberately) is a great improvement in my life. However, when I think of myself as any other human being, that's really not enough.
But again, no matter what anyone tells me, disabled people are not seen or treated as people. Therefore, for everybody else, all is just fine.
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