I put people in a tough position. Especially women. In dating apps no one can actually tell I'm disabled just by looking at my pictures. So with a lot of these pictures and a clever profile, I probably get the female attention and interest I would if the disability didn't exist. That actually feels good. I know the kind of attention I normally have from girls in real life, and it's obviously much less. I'm good at talking, I'm smart, so many of them want to date me at some point.
Issue is, I know disability is not something they expect to come across (despite prevalence in population would grant different expectations). So from this newly acquired rapport that has been build with my inner self, I always explain to them I have a disability before the date. It's pointless for me to hide something they will eventually see when we meet. But the timing for that talk is another tricky aspect of the whole experience.
Often times, because I was procrastinating, or simply forgot about the fact I always must explain my disability to others, I'd end up telling them about it very close to the agreed date. I wasn't trying to manipulate the results or their motivation. It was naive forgetfulness or even the inability to know how to introduce the topic in the conversation.
Then I've had a lousy date (that in terms of traditional success criteria was actually pretty good) and this girl has told me I was being deliberately manipulative. Of course I don't care that much about her particular opinion, since she's someone I don't really want to see again ever. But I'm a slave to the statement "what if".
So, because of this unfair feedback I knew wasn't true, I've decided to deliberately test the hypothesis. After that, what I did was to tell the girl really early in the app after-match conversation that I have a disability. And in terms of the conversation itself, this hasn't changed anything that much.
With this strategy in mind, what has surprised me quite a bit was the number of times the girls would schedule a date with me and then decide to blow me off for no particular reason. It's relatively super high, comparing to the previous unconscious one.
This really makes me mad. Maybe I'm wrong, (I'll be glad to be this time) but what seems to happen is that even when these girls say my disability doesn't matter (which is quite different from the regular reality), this variable has a huge influence in their ability to keep their appointment or even the way they decide to break it, disappear and maybe come up with an excuse later on. Or not.
Long story short, they are lying. Not only to me, but probably to their own selves. Because if they refuse to go out on a date with me exactly when they find out I have a disability, the relationship between the two events would be just too obvious. Just as their prejudice they claim not to have. They wouldn't be able to hide it, either from me or themselves.
That puts me in a dilemma here. Because I think in a reasonable world I wouldn't even have to explain my disability all the time. After all, all my pictures are true, I never refuse to talk about the issue when it comes up, and it's not something that should make me be perceived as a worse person.
But I don't really like the shock these girls have when they meet me. It makes me uncomfortable and angry. On the other hand, knowing that if the girls know from the start I'm disabled really makes me have to rearrange my calendar around all these last minute cancellations all the time, I wonder what a hell I'm supposed to do. Any tips?
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