Sincere question

This blog has been created mostly to allow me to share some answers about which I had been thinking for so long and finally got to a descent level of clarity on. Depending on how you look at it, I've got to admit it's quite naïve. But it's also so like me. To get deeply inspired by new feelings, ideas and experiences and think that it would be so wonderfully possible that other people could be part of a chain reaction, bringing about collective enlightening, so to speak. Well, today I think it's already safe to acknowledge this hasn't happened. At least yet (I can't help it!).

Anyhow, today I'm coming here to get an answer from someone, God, the Universe, you name it. Or at least a sincere attempt to get to one. The question is tough and despite practicing a technique that could lead me to skip this question, to avoid burning out, I feel I want a second opinion. Here's the deal: all my factual observations, both of myself and scientific research have pointed out to a quite uncomfortable and unfair realization. Maybe society doesn't do it on purpose (most people certainly don't), but the fact is there's a sharp asymmetry between the amount of effort and dedication required from a disabled individual to achieve material outcomes that can be considered ridiculously small if you keep all variables constant, changing only disability (I know, I've repeated that ad nauseum).

My question is, what's the correct attitude towards that? I've learned with my own experience that acceptance has a great power to reduce suffering. It's totally obvious that from a subjective perspective, that's the way to go. But then there's a small detail: when I accept something like that, automatically the level of sacrifice I'm willing to make is drastically reduced. Because I know I'm not going to make it getting remotely close to where I theoretically could. What's happening to me right now, and I think quite logically, is I've just stopped valuing all those earthly things that I've tricked myself with to prove I was a perfectly capable and normal human being. Now I know I'm a perfectly capable and normal human being, but I also know there will be cumulative barriers on my way that will make it appear otherwise to the average external observer.

Should I enjoy the fruits of my painfully acquired wisdom to limit my useless suffering? Or should I act like a hero of some sort and face the world head on, knowing I've already lost? Both answers appeal to different parts of my deepest soul. Justice is a word that albeit usually biased and distorted, is still resonating with some primal desire I've got, which makes my blood turn to steam. On the other hand, I know physics, and it's pretty clear to me what happens when someone tries to stop a train with bare hands.

There are days in which my patience is gone and I get so sick of being treated as something I know I'm not that I just want everything to end, because this is what's going to happen eventually anyways (to everyone, by the way). But then something else emerges like a stream of lava and makes me crave facing all that as if there was a really large reward somewhere. Is there a right answer here?